Ode to "Daddy"

FACT: The following may contain mushy and lovely remarks. You've been warned.

This is my husband.

Biking with Luna (and friends, in the background) at Tour de Fat)

So is this.

"Wobbling" with some of my dearest friends and I...just weeks
before he wobbled so hard at a wedding that he ripped
his pants.

And finally, this is him too.

Atop an 18,000 foot peak in Mexico.

Dare I say, I'm proud of him? 

For some of the close friends of Kevin, the idea of hearing him called "Daddy" is almost comical- at times a bit scary? I mean he has, after all, committed a great deal of his teenage and adult life to being obnoxious, a smart-ass, and doing what he can to ensure no one has strikingly high expectations of him. He loves to encourage those around him to make poor choices so he can watch, and laugh. He certainly doesn't take life too seriously. He doesn't take himself too seriously. And Lord knows, he doesn't take me seriously enough! At times he reminds me of a neanderthal with his lack of words and expression coupled with the grunts I hear him make. He has a dry, sarcastic and mostly inappropriate sense of humor. He loves to live life on the edge.  I don't even feel bad about making these accusations of him- he will read this. But, I'm fairly confident that he couldn't be more proud that I not only have chosen to write about him, but also have not excluded these qualities that he possesses. I'm pretty sure he is quite proud- as am I. Regardless, the question still remains, with his adventurous, live-life-to-the-fullest attitude, can Kevin preserve his own life long enough to not only bring a child into this world, but watch it grow? Should we trust him to give this child pointers, guidance and and advice for life? 

...

One night I said to him, "WILL YOU EVER BE ABLE TO PUT YOUR SHOES AWAY, OR WILL THEY ALWAYS GO ON THE FLOOR THREE FEET FROM THE CLOSET?!" 

His response, "I'm just makin' sure your expectations of me don't get too high."

...

When he does something that I find gross, rude, ridiculous, childish, obnoxious, or all of the above, he simply looks at me, smiles, points his left ring finger in the air and says, "FOR-E-VER." 

OHMYGOD. I mean it. For real, GOD, OH MY! "Why is THIS the man you pointed me to, FOR-E-VER?!" is usually my following thought process. 

...

And then, THIS happens. We're having a baby, which in itself is proving to be a pretty stressful, wild ride. And now, our baby girl has a few big hurdles to leap before I can even let Kevin at her to teach her his ways of the world.

We are young. We are terrified. We have no idea what is happening. We just trust in the doctors, our instincts, and in God. There have been moments that I am crumpling. I don't know if I've ever cried or felt anything more deeply than I did the day they informed us that Nora may not live. I was a shattered ball of disappointment and fear. 

Kevin...wasn't. Now, don't get me wrong. Kevin is certainly feeling these feelings. Kevin is worried, Kevin is uncertain. Kevin is tense and stressed. But Kevin is solid. What comes to mind is the old phrase, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." 

While Kevin has been taking the time he needs to heal from the trauma that was, or maybe is?, he is a rock. He is my rock. Not the kind with a heart of stone- the kind that can support me when I need it most. The kind that lets me call the shots when I need to, and calls the shots for me when I can't. The kind that trusts in my decisions and also questions my decisions, just to be certain we're really making a good one. The kind that makes jokes when smiles are necessary. The kind that doesn't take me too seriously. 

I have moments where I'm angry and and I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm dramatic and when I'm really happy. He let's me be all of those things; he agrees with me, he fights back, he hugs me, he smiles at me- then when I'm done he goes ahead and makes a smart-ass comment, just so my expectations aren't too high. 

It's positively perfect. 

The best man at our wedding once told me to stay as far away from Kevin as I could, "He's a jerk to you," he said. It was many years before our wedding. I remember it like it was yesterday, however. We love to laugh and joke about that comment (and the reasons he had for making it, which weren't invalid at the ripe age of 17), and then we laugh about how that same guy became Kevin's best man. Often times when Kevin does something that might just raise my expectations of him I say to him, "So THAT'S why I stuck with you, even when Wes told me to stay away. Brilliant." 

I've said that very same comment to myself at least 386 times since the first week of September- week 20- "the dark times" I call it. When he lets me go to bed at 7:30 because I've had enough, or when I demand a certain meal or project take place right then and there, when I need to cry or when I just need to relax. He is there for me 100%. And I notice. 

And in knowing Kevin is there for me, I know he is there for Nora, too. Being a dad during pregnancy is a confusing feeling, I imagine. He is disconnected, yet connected. He can't feel her every minute she is doing somersaults in my tummy. He can't have the connection I do with her each day. He knows this baby is his little girl, and he knows he will soon be "Daddy." I'm positive he can't wait to meet her, and snuggle her, and read to her, and play pranks on and with her, and teach her all the things I'm sure I'll have words for him about teaching a child. But I imagine what he feels while I am pregnant isn't the same as what I feel. Not because he is a neanderthal, but because he isn't the pregnant one. I do imagine however, that just as I do, there is more he wishes he could do- perhaps more ways he could be there for Nora as she fights. 

But I feel like he is there- always! He is doing all of the things I wish for a daddy to do. He is strong, but he is available. He is worried, but he isn't overwhelming. He is grateful, but he understands. He is gentle, but he is tough. He is serious, but not too serious. He is approachable, but he is cautious. He is both sure, and unsure. He is prideful, yet apologetic. He is already showing me that he'll be the best Daddy in the world to little Nora Grace.  

While everyone keeps asking how I'm doing and Nora's doing, and while the words expressed here are mine, not his- we mustn't forget Daddy!

Daddy is doing great!