As previously mentioned, our Nora girl is what they call "high risk." High risk for what precisely, you ask? Children's Hospital did a great job of attempting to answer that question for us. But, no one can really say- lots of things could go wrong- however, lots of things could go right! This is the case for all pregnancies, but it appears that Nora is seemingly "higher risk." They say there is still a risk of still birth, but they think that because we've made it this far, it's is less likely than more likely. They say her heart could need this and that. Her lungs could need one surgery, or another. Her little feet might stop swelling, but maybe not. That hygroma might grow again or maybe keep shrinking.
There are so many if's and maybes. My life is full of this right now. With my somewhat OCD tendencies and preplanned life, ifs don't really fit well. Planning seems impossible right now. Planning to leave your job for an unknown amount of time is a bit tricky. Especially when I must first find someone to do my job, then teach them how to do it. Not knowing how long we'll be in the hospital, who will take care of Luna girl and Torrey, what the future might hold sure is a new feeling to me.
Only it's not. Isn't life completely uncertain? Just when we think we've figured it all out, there is a twist in your plot, a fork in your road, or a new character you just didn't see coming. So, while it all feels different to know nothing is certain, I wouldn't say that much is actually all that different.
Feelings however make up all of our days. They make up our thoughts, our actions, our physical and mental state of being. So, when things feel different life is pretty different. Even if it's not actually different.
That being said, some days I feel pretty different. There are days that I live as happily as ever, completing my tasks, calling my friends, running my puppies, daydreaming of baby things. And then there are days that I spend a whole lot of time worrying. Truth is, I'm really scared. I'm really scared of heart and lung surgery. I'm frustrated that our little girl must endure such a rough start in life, and maybe throughout life, for no reason that I can find. There is no answer to why Kevin and I's little girl has been strapped with all of this hardship. We couldn't change a thing. There is nothing I could have eaten or not eaten, done or not done while pregnant. This happened from the moment Nora was conceived. And I'm pretty sure we humans have just about no control over that. Kevin and I are young, quite healthy, active, law-abiding, morally responsible (or I like to think!), caring, hard-working individuals. We work well as a team. We contribute to society in what we deem meaningful ways. We attempt to live the way that God intended, though, I must admit, we could certainly use some work in this department. Though, I certainly don't believe that our need to live a life more towards God is the reason God has given Ms. Nora all of this. He just doesn't work that way. Right?
So, turns out, there is no answer.
Not one that I can find.
Great news- there is a prayer for that...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."
We've all heard and read this a million times. But a book I've recently acquired about living with fear has enlightened me to the second paragraph of the prayer, something I'm not sure I've read or noted before....
"Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next."
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Ah ha! Now isn't that lovely.
So, I've taken to leading a happy life. I can do nothing. I know this- thanks for that serenity and wisdom, God. Now, I ask for the courage to change what I can. I can, with the help of the smart, helpful, kind doctors at Children's, change Nora's outcome. I can give her all of the best care so that her heart and her lungs and her little self are in tip-top shape for this wild life. I can also change my attitude. Worry is part of life, and likely necessary right now. BUT, being optimistic can make a world of difference. I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe in the power of positive thinking. I also believe in the power of smiles, laughter, friends, family and joy!
I've taken this advice from dear friends, and from God himself:
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all of your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths."
-Proverbs 3: 5-6
So, I feel a bit like Carrie Underwood singing, "Jesus take the wheel."
But the truth is, I just don't have another option. I have chosen to accept that, and trust in the Lord that he can and will protect our little Nora Grace.
And sleep at night..when Nora so chooses.;)
Thank goodness.
ALL of these words are to say that I'd like to share with you the way we are finding so much joy in this pregnancy, among the worry and fear and the billions of doctors appointments, we've made a fun game. Game and distraction might be a little synonymous here. Either way, it's fun!
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The list is titled:
Nora Grace's Tales O' the Womb
in the womb (in no particular order):
-Eat Walrus Ice Cream (4 times!)
-Eat movie theater popcorn
-See the Ocean!
-Eat fresh crab
-Wakeboard
-Dance!
-Visit Steamboat Springs
-Have a party with chocolate cake!
-Summit Mt. Elbert
-Summit Mt. Huron at sunrise!
-Walk for Turner's Syndrome
-Go to a beautiful mountain wedding
-Hear the Elk bugling in RMNP
-hike, hike, hike some more.
-Eat Sushi (not raw, but still delicious!)
-Get a pedicure!
-Enjoy swimming in Colorado and Wisconsin lakes
-Camp outside
-Enjoy Cheyenne Frontier Days, rodeo and concert included
-Eat and Drink all things pumpkin related
-Golf
-Ride Bikes
-See Colorado Moose
-Fly in an airplane
-Visit Chippewa Fall, WI
-see Fireworks
-play in the pool
-go to our favorite dog park
-Dress up fancy!
-visit a pumpkin patch
-Carve pumpkins!
-Dress up for Halloween!
Here are some images of those things happening!
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| Eating Walrus ice cream! (celebrating 24 weeks!) |
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| Hiking with friends- 10 weeks! |
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| Tubing with Presley- maybe 6 weeks? |
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| Cheyenne Frontier Days! Perhaps 15 weeks? |
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| Drinking all things pumpkin! 23 weeks! |
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| Hiking Mt. Elbert- 13 weeks! |
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| Oregon Coast- 16 weeks! |
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| Eating fresh crab!- 16 weeks! |
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| Puppy seesster Luna- just because:) |
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| Baby Torrey- just because:) |
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| Hiking in beautiful Steamboat Springs! |
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| The hiking crew! |
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| Just pretty! That's important too, right? |
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| Sushi Night!- 23 weeks! |
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| Visiting family in WI- 11 weeks! |
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| Lake Wissota- 11 weeks |
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| Atop Mt. Elbert- 13 weeks! |
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| Halloween- I'm a "mummy"- 28 weeks! |
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| Random selfie taken for my girlfriends- 25 weeks. |
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| Dressed up fancy for an Estes Wedding- 22 weeks! With Colleen- 15 weeks! |
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| Hiking in Estes with family- 22 weeks! |
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| Me- Today! 29 weeks! |
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| Finally, the day I told Kevin we were parents-to be! Wes and Kendall's Wedding- just 4 weeks! |
Here is a list of the things we have yet to conquer before she graces us with her presence:
-Run the Fort Collins Turkey Trot
-Eat Sweet Potatoes done right- with marshmallows!
-Eat Green Bean Casserole.
-Snowshoe with puppies!
-Watch daddy (Kevin) ski
-Shop for baby goods and essentials (we really need to get on this)...
-Run the Pumpkin Pie 10k
-Eat Pumpkin Pie (obviously, a post-run trophy!)
-Eat Walrus Ice Cream more times!
-Eat movie theater popcorn a billion more times
-Have a baby shower
-Decorate the nursery
-See Christmas lights!
-Go to Denver Zoo Lights
-Get a massage (coming this weekend!)
-Get more pedicures!
-Go Bowling!
-Take birthing classes (of sorts?)
-Eat P.F. Changs Mongolian Beef
-Walk in my graduation ceremony for my Masters degree (much to my family's distaste;))
-Drink a glass of wine! (If they do it in France, I might as well show Nora what that goodness is all about).
-Ring in 2015 with our dear friends and family.
Finally...we shall survive and experience the joys and terrors of childbirth. Oh boy!
I am certain this list will expand, and we'll check every item off of it as it does. I have a lot of feasting to do when I look at my list of to do's. I'm really good at feasting. I am sure I can manage.
I can't imagine any better way to spend this time than by having fun!
"If it's not fun, you're not doing it right." -Bob Basso
While we all continue to hope and pray that Nora makes it here, happy and healthy, join us as we adventure through the next 8 weeks!
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| 3D Nora (sorry those of you that find 3D creepy!) Covering her eyes were her knees, hands, and umbilical cord- But look at the cute little nose and those lips! (27 weeks! |
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| More 3D Nora- her knees (and some pregnant goo) are really squashing her face here...but there is a baby in there! |
***Disclaimer- I can't begin to explain the headache that attempting to format these pictures in the blog was- please forgive me for the random order and placement of these images.
Super fun pictures! Loved even the "creepy" 3-D ones. :) So fun to see Nora Grace! She's PRECIOUS! Thanks for the update, as always!
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