Bit by bit.

I realize that Thanksgiving is over, and we're on to Christmas. But, I hardly think we should discontinue our thanks just yet- or probably ever. AmIRight?

I'm feeling so incredibly grateful. I can't express just how grateful properly. I tried really hard in writing so many thank you cards this past week. Is there anyone out there that is excited to write thank you cards, especially after a big event, such as a shower? No. I think not. It is an incredibly necessary duty that can at times feel daunting. And any daunting duty is hardly enjoyable. But, I can't explain just how important I felt it was this time around. I feel like I could write a thank you card every single day of the week to everyone who has taken a moment from their busy lives to be there to make sure Kev and I are ok, make sure I am getting what I need and even a little pampered....Ok- probably a lot pampered. :)

We are feeling so much support. And some days it is completely carrying me. Some days it is nearly overwhelming me- but what a wonderful thing to be overwhelmed by? Certainly it is more fun to be overwhelmed by love from family and friends than sub plans or a messy house or the seemingly constant need to ALWAYS grocery shop....I'm eating a whole lot these days.

So, I'm writing to say THANKS! Thanks to everyone for all the things. Thanks for the phone calls. The text messages. The emails. The hugs. The kind words. The laughs. The distractions. The prayers. The encouragement. The positive thinking. The good juju. The love. The gifts.

I don't know how else to possibly go about showing everyone how grateful we truly are, and will continue to be in the weeks to come. I think I'll start by showing you all the outcome of all of you've done.

Nora Grace has a nursery! And I'm in love with this space. I go there every morning while I brush my teeth. I'm sure Kevin thinks I'm nuts. :)

We've got drawers full of baby clothes!

We've got diapers!

We've got clothes and diapers to grow into!

We've got a little more work to do!

We've got a changing station!

A bed, a mobile, and a picture of her pup sisters!

We're set with this lovely butterfly mobile- perfect for our Turner's syndrome "Butterfly"

We've got a full bedroom! Complete with a big basket of books!!!!

Yet to come: the most lovely rocking chair and pillow, right by the window!

I never intended to go all out in this room. Maybe I accidentally did? Oops! It became a mission of mine, something that I slowly had to work up to. I didn't have to work slowly because I had to manage my time- I certainly had to manage my time, but I am a time-management master- I had to work up to it because I've been afraid. I've spent so much time being afraid. And though I've adopted an idea of dismissing fear, it's taking practice.

At one time this room remained shut. Then, the door was opened, but little was done. Finally, I began progress- one thing at a time. One item here, one item there. I did little to ensure it looked like a bedroom at first though, I was comfortable with it looking like a big ole' mess. Slowly, we made it here. However, there are so many onsies, outfits, socks, sheets, frames, lamps, etc. that I've given a home to in this nursery, but I haven't removed tags or washed. I can't bring myself to do it.  I'm still afraid. With each step I take toward completing my work in this space, I take a deep breath, and remind myself that Nora can and will make it. Every time I say "When Nora gets here..." I have the secondary thought that I keep inside, "But what if she doesn't?" 

What if that "Possibility of stillbirth" does happen? What if she isn't strong enough to survive heart and lung surgery? What if something happens during delivery? What if, what if, what if? 

I realize every pregnancy with every baby has what if's. I do. I really, really do. But, I've just been told so many options, so many things to think about, so many reasons to worry, that sometimes I'm very afraid. 

Creating this space has become a practice in trust for me. I've been practicing trusting in God. Trusting in my body. Trusting the doctors. Trusting in Nora herself. After all, she made it this far- I absolutely must trust in her that she can make it all the way. I've been learning to trust this world, and slowly kiss away fear.

This isn't a task I could do on my own, however. I've had to have support. With each kind word I've heard, each joke I've laughed over, each gift I've opened, each prayer I've heard, each person I've hugged, and with every person that has shamelessly put their hand on my belly I've been able to trust a little more. Every time someone asks how I am doing, or the doctor says things look "beautiful," or whenever Nora does another summersault, I find a little more trust.

There is still more to do- both literally and emotionally. We've got a few boxes to unwrap, a few more things to organize and purchase. But, until I'm ready completely they won't be done. And that is ok with me. I haven't kissed away all of my fears. My worries haven't faded- but because of all of you and your positive encouragement and trust, they are growing weaker and weaker.

We've only a few weeks left until we meet our mark. We've made it to 34, something I once thought unimaginable. We see the doctors constantly, but in doing so we see Nora a whole lot too. Her heart beat is perfect they say, she passes all of her "breathing" tests, and my fluid, though occasionally sending scares, is doing a-ok. Nora has developed a great number of hiccups. She is showing us how tiring they can be with big yawns, and she sticks her tongue out at us, letting us know just how much trouble she will someday be! And what's more? She has a whole lot of hair! What a surprise, and so much fun (No, I don't have heartburn folks, I'm chalking that one up as an old wives tale!).

We can't thank you all enough. There are no words to express our gratitude for the many friends and family members that have helped and guided us up to this point.

Keep the prayers coming! I think the scariest might be yet to come, my friends!

 2D Nora Grace at 34 weeks! I think there is really a baby in there, guys!